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  • Thursday, July 16, 2009

    How To Catch A Man Between the Wheats

    First, one must be good to one's x-mother-in-law (too late, I blew that one) and then follow her to her homeland (doesn't matter if it's in a foreign country).

    Then one must go into the wheat fields and glean whatever is left after the crops have been harvested. Work very hard (this is important). The kind, handsome (not to mention, rich) and smooth-talking owner of the field will notice you and say things like: "Don't go anywhere else. Stay here with me. I have given serious instructions that no man is to touch you."

    If he invites you to a picnic you are on the fast track into his heart. Make sure you shower put on clean clothes and when he goes to sleep (after some dinner and wine) go lie down near his feet. He must be sleeping in the field because if he is in his home, that would be inappropriate.

    One must then uncover his feet and don't say a word. This will show that you are available and if he likes, he may marry you and say things like, "You are so beautiful, whatever you want I will get it for you." If he covers you with his blanket, well, you are his. No hanky panky though. That will come after the seven-day- marriage feast of fine dining.

    There's more to the story, I know, go read it for yourselves in the Book of Ruth. She tells it better. From what I gather it's an amazing tale of redemption.

    Debby Alten